Ok, universe – I give up. Everything I try and love decides it does not want to be loved. This leaves me, someone who wants to give away love, in a bit of a quandary.
So here is the approach we are going to try for a little bit:
Take all that desire to love and work on just loving me.
I know – even as I type this it seems a little selfish. Wouldn’t I rather love a puppy? or baby? or man? or friend? or anything but me? Well, yes – but herein lies the problem. If I can’t really love myself – including all the good and bad and ugly – how can I really shine that love back out to the world?
The frizzy hair that sticks up and the few extra pounds and the temper when waiting on line sometimes and the not-so-good employee and the girl who doesn’t like to be in social situations for extended periods of time and the “not such a good team player” and the one who can’t sing at all and the one who sometimes drives faster when she sees someone in the crosswalk (not all the time, just sometimes). And more, the one who when she’s in a relationship can get a little needy in no time at all.
If I really accept the idea of dvaita or dualism, that I am god and I am also nothing, then wouldn’t it serve everyone best if I can love and accept the god that is me first? And what does it matter if I get rejected over and over and over and over again, if I have a path for that love.
My love for me will shine from the na’au.
A new prayer for meditation:
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.