Happiness as your identity

Like many women, I like to talk my problems out.  I don’t think it solves anything, but it usually makes me feel better.  Recently, though, I have been trying a new strategy.  When I feel totally wretched about my life (like today), I would like to retreat a little and still figure out how to maintain a happy outlook when I am around people.  A mask if you will.

I talk a lot about having a purpose in life, but I think there is only one true purpose (which I’m not very good at):  Strive to be a positive influence to those around you; don’t make others miserable.  If you can’t do this, then go for a walk in the woods or talk to god or maybe write on your blog. 🙂

I think, though, that happiness is not so much a state of mind like we are taught, but instead wrapped up in your identity. I always think of myself as a “not-very-happy” person.  It is who I am.  Can we change this over time?  When I think of my failed relationship with Mr. Faraway over the last two years, it is hard to remember when in that I was happy.  I was always tormented.  I do not want this to be a permanent state, although I think for me it has always been like that.IMAG0064

The dating update:  Mr. Romeo and I have connected.  On the simplest level, I just want to be someone’s girl, and I would be very content to be his.  He, however, is not ready for a relationship after his divorce, and so there are all sorts of rules about how much time we spend together, how physical we are, how I am introduced to his son – and more distressing and shameful for me, how he wants to play the field a little to explore after his 7 year marriage.  Much of the time I am okay with this, because he is wonderful and sweet and I can see us together in the future.  I did go out with another gentleman for dinner this week, and it just felt all wrong.  Captain R (as my best friend calls him) feels right.

Yet, some days, like today, when I just want to watch a movie on a Friday with someone I like, I want to crawl up in a ball and not let anyone see how upset I am.  I think I’ll be watching that movie by myself tonight.


About tidewater

thirty-something, mostly single, finding a path.
This entry was posted in Philosophy and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Happiness as your identity

  1. reocochran says:

    I feel your pain! I had a very nice man who appeared off and on in my dating months last year into this year. Each time, I would say to myself, “Just enjoy this moment, don’t look forward or analyze too much.” But, in the end, I did have to admit, it hurt that I wasn’t “special” enough to have him choose, “just me!” I had to block his cell phone number and tell him I was looking for a “one and only” partner. I asked him more than once and he each time hedged the answer. Hope your Captain R. chooses you and doesn’t play the field too much or long…

  2. tidewater says:

    I wish I, too, could just let it not bother me. We’ll see. Thanks for the support.

  3. I can’t help but think that he might only hurt you in the end. Only because you’re clearly into him, but he’s not as into the idea of the two of you. Just be careful, yeah? Don’t let yourself get hurt.

mahalo for your comment!

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