plan B: a personal manifesto

the conversation with an older male close friend:

Me: “I’m not giving up, I’m just accepting that plan A doesn’t seem to be working for me, for whatever reason.  It’s time for something new.  Here’s the plan B:  I finish my dissertation, make a little money in the real world, move to India for a year, and adopt.   I commit myself to my 3+ nephews in NJ and be a good auntie.  I live the bold and beautiful life I set out to live in my twenties – and try to take my nurturing mothering side to all beings.  I use the clergy as my role models, and find love everywhere.   I devote myself to god.

My plan A was such a little part of me – find a man, have a baby, fill the uterus and satiate the hormonal urges.  But this plan B is big and exciting and scary and will require much more forgiveness of myself and others.”


I’ve been hiding my plan B from this blog for a week and half now.  Ever since I formulated plan B (including pushing up my exam dates for the PhD, and booking a new ticket to see my nephews; seriously engaging in building my business up, etc.), I’ve been nervous to type it out, tell the world, commit to a real alternative to the child-of-my-own existence.   But after a year of blogging, I am finding and planning my plan B.  I am ready to be happy and content no matter what.


The Response

Him:  “My college sweetheart wife and I got pregnant at 40 unexpectedly.  There is something special about having your own.”


Well, thanks, but no thanks, my friend, for your backhanded support of my new Plan B.  Like I don’t grieve my “own” child?  But why have my own on my own when there is a whole world full of lonely people out there to care for?

I expect his is the response many people will offer – the you-have-time, look-i-did-it, you-are-missing-out-on-life response.  And good luck to them.

For me, it is time to move on, and go down the road less traveled.


Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open. -Alexander Graham Bell


About tidewater

thirty-something, mostly single, finding a path.
This entry was posted in Childless or childfree, Identity, Life path, Philosophy and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to plan B: a personal manifesto

  1. Pingback: wherefore art thou… Romeo? | Uncharted Waters

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