well, dear readers, i seem to be in something of a relationship. and he doesn’t even have a name on this blog. I’ll call him Kirios.
Kirios is eccentric and adventurous and well educated and the right age (35). He is a PhD student. He is handsome, but not in a way I normally go for. He is shy. He is talkative. He is kind, and yet harsh. He flies airplanes, and goes hiking and is an inherent entrepreneur. He is *way* too uptight. He loves to talk, and when he looks at you, it’s all very intense. It has been 2 weeks, plus 3 weeks of being apart before that. We haven’t sealed any deal physically – we’ve watched fireworks and made coffee and spent a lot of time together talking. It’s remarkably physically passionless so far, but there are sparks biding their time, there is restraint and patience on both our parts. I met him at church. He is on the same timeline to have a family (which is terrifying in itself). Kirios is actually available, and he doesn’t doubt me or my intentions.
He probably should. In the end, I’m having a very hard time processing it all – and blogging about it all. Things will never be the same as they were with your previous relationship. The passion, though, with Mr. Faraway is not all that far from the surface. He has told me that he is likely headed “home” to Panama for good. Mr. Faraway is emotionally raw. He has nothing to give me right now, and may not have anything for years. How do you describe that “something”? I wrote him (Mr. F) a love letter in Spanish just a couple days ago (thank you Casting Hopes to the Future). We have chemistry that reaches through the phone, the computer and lives only in dreams.
I’m headed to the mainland for 5 days. Let’s hope the space helps. I don’t like being torn, or unsure, or unclear.