“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi
A scenario: You find a person who seems like they might be a great match, the right one. And then out of nowhere a little voice says “Hey, don’t you really love your single life?” It was my friend who brought this to my attention, as she too came up with many reasons at the last second to not date a good candidate. I am getting closer to my goal of being ready to allow someone into my life, and it is interesting to notice thoughts like these. There are some matches in my life right now that are too exciting to write about, but with that excitement comes nervousness about whether i might be ready to give up a new piece of myself.
I propose something I’ll call Cupid’s paradox – the idea that you can always get closer and closer to the notion, but you can never actually touch “true love” – especially if you keep on having to make laps around the track. Zeno’s paradox according to Aristotle was:
In a race, the quickest runner (Achilles) can never overtake the slowest (the turtle), since the pursuer must first reach the point whence the pursued started, so that the slower must always hold a lead. – as recounted by Aristotle, Physics VI:9, 239b15
The end result is that in real life Achilles *does* beat the turtle – we do reach “true love” – even the math suggests it wouldn’t happen until some infinite point in the future. Maybe all of this dating will eventually pay off. “If you love until it hurts, the paradox is there is only more love.”
So how to get over these “barriers”? This might be a good time to recommend my favorite book for relationships and love: “Calling in ‘The One‘” by Katherine Woodward Thomas, with the lovely tag line “Seven weeks to attract the love of your life”. Amazon suggests that it is just the tip of the iceberg in the “Soulmate” genre, but I haven’t dug any deeper. It was recommended to me by the above friend, and it was given to her by a wise woman in our circle. It certainly hasn’t taken seven weeks, but it addresses your “barriers”, one at a time.
What is my number one barrier? Letting go the idea that needing someone is a bad thing.