“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” ― Steve Maraboli
I’m reading ‘Stumbling Over Happiness’. The first chapter is about how humans specialize, amongst all the animals, in having a knowledge and concern for the future. And with that comes an innate desire to want to control the direction of your boat in the “river of life”. We try to control everything we do, every moment of our day, every interaction.
My happiness in the month of January (and yes! I was/am happy) stems from finally telling the universe that “these hands are yours. i am relinquishing control. use me to manifest what is necessary.” I pray this to myself daily, twice daily. I smile walking down the street. I ooze gratitude.
My sadness is no less, about not being at the point I thought I wanted to be at – with a partner who loves me and getting ready to build a family. It still hurts. Waking up alone on a Sunday morning still hurts. Not having sex just because I’m holding out doesn’t hurt, but it’s an extraordinary nuisance. 🙂 The failed first dates (I’ve got a great one for the annals of dating… coming soon) still hurt. I still struggle with finding pono (honorable) ways to fill my days, my nights. I mourn Mr. Faraway from away constantly. It is a flood of emotion.
But something clicked after my relationship bottomed out at Christmas, and I just imagine offering my life up. This takes so much trust – one would say faith, but I”m not a big fan of the word. Faith to me suggests that you believe blindly. I do not believe. I know. Or rather I surrender, and let myself get carried away by the river. I pray I continue to enjoy the ride. Surrender is the mantra of the day.