I had a little girls night out last night. I would never voluntarily watch ‘The Bachelor’, but I like to hang out with these smart funny women sometimes, and they lean slightly more sorority girl than myself. They also cook some amazing food – bruschetta and potato pancakes and guacamole and some fine wine. In return, I hold back most of my snarky comments about ‘The Bachelor’ and the gaggle of girls we ‘research’ (I swear this was the word for spending the day reading about it on the internet).
On the episode, a beautiful woman named Leslie finally gets her chance, while decked out in Beverly Hills finest, to speak to the guy at dinner. She says very simply – ‘I’m looking for a partner, a father, a husband. Communication is the most important.’ She is eloquent. But the date doesn’t fly, and she is the first to be told to leave after such a date. Another girl earned her second date by cuddling up to the guy half naked and talking about how she was scared and using a baby voice. Ah… American TV.
But it did get me thinking about dating. The smart women I was with (half of whom have their phds in the sciences, which coincidently overlaps with their singleness) suggested that Leslie behaved much like they did on a date. The two girls with boyfriends were both 24, not 30, and were dating our male science colleagues (who were 30). I initially didn’t think that I resembled Leslie on my first dates. But on second thought…
I considered the lyrics of a One Direction (a teeny pop band) song – ‘What Makes You Beautiful’:
You don’t know you’re beautiful,
If only you saw what I can see,
You’ll understand why I want you so desperately,
Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe,
You don’t know you’re beautiful, oh oh,
That’s what makes you beautiful.
And I’m thinking – the girls who make it to the end on these shows are always who pretend to be insecure, who don’t reveal where they want to go in life from the beginning, who don’t portray confidence about life choices. They can be confident in their sexuality, but that doesn’t lead to a long term relationship (This is ‘The Bachelor’… ) . I am probably like Leslie – too clear, too confident, and definitely don’t want to be in a position where ‘I don’t know I’m beautiful’.