My body’s clock has not stopped ticking, but I have resolved to “stop the clock” for a little while. Things haven’t worked so great up until now, so in the long run it will likely not matter so much if I decide to take “emotional time off” from worrying about finding a little being to love. A friend called this an intermission or a suspension… and what is required is simply accepting your situation the way it is.
Does this mean that I don’t want that path? Does it mean that I’m “allowed” to date guys who are clearly not on the baby train? Should I continue feel guilty when I focus on my career (which I have)?
Two Dating Stories: I went out on an Okcupid date this week which was just totally wrong, even if it looked nice on paper. The guy was my age, but also a phd student in a similar department. we had similar interests in just about everything, he was cute. but.. but… but… there was no chemistry, partly because it felt like meeting with a colleague. it was pretty clear that he was looking for someone that wasn’t his academic equal, and he never asked me about my plans for the future. more important, it was boring.
On the other hand, I had a really fun time last night hanging out with a much older man on my sailing crew. There was chemistry, it was fun, it was not competitive, and I had a good time.
Where is the line between holding out for something good for the grand life plan and enjoying the moment? I hope an older wiser me knows the answer to this question. In the meantime, emotional intermission.