Something “strange” has happened to me since the great break-up with Mr. Faraway three weeks ago. My Cancerian horoscope this week said:
There’s a spot in the country of Panama where you can watch the sun rise in the east over the Pacific Ocean. In another Panamanian location, you can see the sun set in the west over the Atlantic Ocean. Nothing weird is involved. Nothing twisted or unearthly. It’s simply a quirk of geography. I suspect that a similar situation will be at work in your life sometime soon. Things may seem out of place. Your sense of direction might be off-kilter, and even your intuition could seem to be playing tricks on you. But don’t worry. Have no fear. Life is simply asking you to expand your understanding of what “natural” and “normal” are.
Mind you – Mr. Faraway is a native of Panama, and it is a funny horoscope to be given *right now*.
But, as usual, Rob Brezsny is on to something. Everything seems a little tornado-like, and I’m not sure which direction is up anymore. I’m still crying hard once a day, mourning my loss. But I also feel a decade younger all of a sudden – dancing in my living room and cooking and enjoying the beach again, with its pink sand and slivers of moons and happy dogs. A friend from 8 years ago called up out of the blue and reminded me of the girl I once was (wow!). An old friend on island was emphatic that things are about to get good (and not in the marriage and babies way). I’m re-connecting with a guy who hasn’t known me in 5 years. I’m looking out an ocean of life, and realizing I have a new chance to build whatever I like.
- I may choose to build the same thing I was shooting for with Mr. Faraway: equal parts adventure and stability with another academic.
- I may choose to accept my 3 little nephews as family enough, and throw my energy into making the world a better place.
- I may choose to date a nice guy who really does want the picket fence, and get to be pregnant and have babies and forget that I used to read the academic journals for fun.
- I may marry for love without worrying about the family-building part – if it happens it happens.
- I may have a little person in my life, all by myself.
- I may truly try to “save” the world with my work, while traveling and living abroad and helping others who didn’t think this baby thing through so hard (and so had lots too quick).
- I may live in an spiritual place (nunnery, ashram) amongst the camaraderie of similar minded folks.
- I may stop having hope that my life will look more “normal” on the outside, stop feeling sad when I see all my friends having babies on Facebook, stop beating myself up for not getting knocked up like everybody else.
- I might maybe actually have it all.
- Or I may….