stagnation

I recently read some about the idea that woman decide they are ready to settle down, and then are advised to eliminate everything in their lives in order to make room for Mr. Right.  I have done this.  It has led to a stagnation that I never have had in my life.  I can’t move forward or backward or to the side for fear of not being able to move to be together or  not being “available” enough.  I don’t think I’m alone in this.

During the most painful part of my life, right after the big breakup, I was taking a ton of photos. It’s because I started blogging and felt the need to document my every move. But still, I was Doing Things. Lots of things. There were projects and museum visits and orchid warehouses. Dollhousing galore! I was a busy bee. Interesting. As I scrolled down into the present, the photos significantly tapered off.  reblogged from Tales from Clark Street

(Orchid warehouses!  I am trying to learn to grown orchids – not all that successfully.  If anyone figures out how to grow vanilla.)

I used to go out and drink a lot with friends and paddle and sail and plan trips and go to museums and camp and never, ever, was bored.  Whoever I end up with, they can’t possibly find this Rapunzel locked away in her tower, waiting for her suitors, to possibly be attractive!

But – do I wear myself out with new activities when all I want to do is stay inside and make pies and Skype?  I’m not so sure.  My single childfree aunties in their 50s seem to have figured it out – they are out there doing yoga and meditation and generally running around 20x more than me.

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About tidewater

thirty-something, mostly single, finding a path.
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