Okay, everybody. I think I figured it out. I am afraid that I won’t be able to handle it. That is the key word. No matter what I am afraid of (never having children, being alone, childbirth), I am not really afraid of *it*, but afraid that I won’t be able to deal with the outcome.
Of course all fears are a little bit based in reality. Of course I could be horribly deformed, I could end up alone, I could never have children, but really, if you just turn the whole thing just a little bit – if I know that I can deal with it because I am strong, and worthy and supported, it all seems less scary.
To paraphrase my teacher –
Approach the world as if you are a rich person and can really have anything you want, and it will be true.