Toxic slide to grief

So, things with Mr. Faraway are nearly silent.  And silence in a long distance relationship practically means over.  This weekend was a weekend full of sadness and sad-boredom for me.  Although I made it out of the house both days, time still seemed to stand still.  I had no responsibilities at all, and I’d never felt lonelier or emptier.

It is the Jewish new year today (no, I’m not Jewish but…), and I hope that somewhere he is reflecting and having some hope about times to come.  At the same time, I am heartbroken and barely made it through today.  Even though I will be in control of the final decision, to let go of love and the hope of making things work with this particular one, the dream of the family and the life we could have had.

I’ve gone back to him many times before, and this helpful list about toxic folks in your life has been thought-provoking:

  •  Do they stand by their word?
  • Do they take action or just give lip service?
  • Do they take time to make it about others, and not just about themselves?
  • Are they willing to step back and let others take the spotlight?
  • Are they willing to admit mistakes?

Mostly, Mr. Faraway just shuts down on me time and time again.  I know its coming, he warns me it might happen, and I still just can’t bear for him to up and leave when he is feeling his worst – especially since it has often coincided with him sleeping around.

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About tidewater

thirty-something, mostly single, finding a path.
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