At the beach today, I saw all kinds of families.  Pregnant women with their boyfriends.  Groups of couples with their same-aged kids.  Babies in slings.  It is hard not to imagine in each and every case what it might be like.  If that than this.  Are these women happy?  I saw one woman slap her child more than once. The very pregnant lady looked tired and not-so-glowing.  What are there stories?  How did each get where she is, and what choices were made to get there?

It is an age old question, isn’t it?  How to live in the present moment? How to enjoy what I have right now, while still making enough reasonable plans for the future that things happen in the right order?  If you think something is true, than it will become true.  If you don’t have chocolate in your pantry, say “I have chocolate” and it will appear.  This may be a way to connect the present moment to the future.  If you just assume that you have something already, then you don’t really need to involve the future at all – it will just play out according to your thoughts in the present.

A year ago, even six months ago, I thought all was lost.  I had so little purpose in life – I thought I failed at everything I had done, and that I was well on my way to failing what society seems to think is the *the* most important thing you can do with your life – have a child while married. I could no longer see any hope in my life.  My quote posted above my kitchen sink lifted me out of my well:

My barn having burned to the ground, I can now see the moon.

In some ways I realize now that I hadn’t been looking for  a stable partner.  I had said I’d been looking, but I wasn’t ready to accept that person if he (or she) came along.  I never believed I had any chocolate in the house.

Which brings us to the motivation for this post.  My gut feeling says that Mr. Faraway won’t be able to give me what I need (this is not a function of distance).  He asked me tonight what I would name my daughter.  I couldn’t tell him since the word is so deep down buried.  Ten minutes after getting off the phone with him, I read this definition – which encapsulates that word I couldn’t say.

Today I offer the big universe my hopes and dreams and faith that they will become a reality.

Maieutic – A maieutic teacher is one who acts as a midwife, to pupils, gently guiding to the light ideas that have long been growing inside of them.   — The Story of B


About tidewater

thirty-something, mostly single, finding a path.
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