Today I’m trying to decide how much I’m holding myself back.  How much are women in their 30s just living out their lives with a fear of commitment that they are not entirely conscious of?  Is it possible for a woman to say she wants to find a husband, a family, and yet still have the same knee-jerking, gut-wrenching fear of commitment as the guys we say are so bad?

I think the answer is yes.  Yes, there is a change in the dating pool after 30.  Yes, it is hard to find someone as you get older. But mostly, I think those who aren’t married hold themselves back for deeper reasons that are not necessarily recognized.  Even if you say you don’t want to be single, it might be that you are afraid of giving up everything in your life that you have made work for so long because you are single.  Change is discomforting.

My evidence – it seems to me that women who were married in their 20s, and then got divorced, are much more likely to get re-married.  Nearly 80% of people remarry after the divorce.  If the average age of a marriage is 8 years, and the time between marriages is 3.5 years, that means that a lot of women who were once married are getting remarried in their 30s.

Either women who marry once were more “marriageable” to begin with (more attractive, less intellectual – maybe I’ll discuss later how realistic my stereotype is), or they are less fearful of commitment to begin with.  I think it is the latter.

Me?  For all my whining, I certainly like that I can pursue my career without having to consider anyone else.  I never ever wanted to be stuck like my parents who seemed to stay together for the children.  Can I change?  I think so – but change is hard.


About tidewater

thirty-something, mostly single, finding a path.
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