I thought I was playing like a boy in my 20s. I didn’t particularly want to settle down (especially in my early 20s), was focused on traveling and going to school. I didn’t really ever truly see myself having kids, because I struggled to settle down long enough to do that, and because I associated the family life with extreme boredom, frustration and lack of options for a woman. When I turned 29 or so, that changed dramatically, and the urge to settle became strong, although obviously I had no skills whatsoever in finding a “good guy” after all that time playing the field.
There is still something like a petulant child in me that says “It’s just not fair”. No one ever suggested to me in my 20s that I should consider my “value” as a mate declining. I was encouraged to be successful, live the adventurous life I wanted. Now, in my 30s, people still tell me “oh, you have time”. I just do not think so.
And so, I surrender having any control whatsoever (it seems) on finding a life partner to have a child with. Even if I am ready.