The text last night went something like “I treated her tenderly, but I treated you like shit. Why would you be nice to me?” When I responded that I was genuine in liking him, he came back with “I never treated you tenderly, and I will not start now.”
He was an old hookup, now probably about 40, who had started dating an acquaintance. Granted, hookup does not really describe the over 3 years of midnight texts, degrading sex, and pact on his part to never sleep over. But a casual long-term fling, regardless.
The relationship did not last long with this new girl, although it was clear that she was the first girl he had ever tried to be sweet to. But! When she rejected him (and told me in advance she would do so), it was apparently my fault. Hence his acetic words to me.
It’s all good right now, and the re-rejection isn’t nearly as painful as it once might have been – but it did get me thinking today. First – why do I feel so buffered from his insensitive comments today, and yet put up with such meanness for so many year? Today I have (single) friends that I can count on to laugh with later on, and who are not judgemental of such things. And second, am I still letting men in my life treat me “like shit” and making excuses for it? Here, I am afraid, I think so.
My current long-distance relationship (Mr. Faraway) isn’t physically abusive – like this guy I mention above was, unfortunately. But it has been characterized by months of emotional abuse instead. Nothing so obvious as derogatory remark, but instead a lack – a lack of consistent communication, a lack of commitment, a lack of that energy a guy has when he really likes a girl. Before you feel sorry for me, know that he did start out with all of those things, but slowly changed his mind over the course of the last year.
So it is the same thing? Not exactly. But when I cry because I can feel that he doesn’t feel it, I certainly think it might be better to just cut ties.