An Introduction

Aloha, all.

I am a 30-something in Hawaii watching, living, breathing, crying and clawing my way to understanding about what it is like to live a childfree existence in a very child-full world.  I may not end up childfree in the end (the door hasn’t officially shut), and I hope that doesn’t bother prospective blog readers who struggle in different ways – but I am fascinated by what defines me as a woman, as a person, in this life.  For many, a person is defined by how many offspring you have, and what those offspring are doing.  Children are presented as the pinnacle of life’s happiness and achievement.  A legacy.

And so I ask, are there other forms of responsibility that can be equally fulfilling?  How to live a pono (honorable) life regardless?  And how have women and men throughout the last couple of centuries handled living a very different kind of life, a life without children?

There is rarely a day that I don’t see a new article in the paper, the magazines, or hear an offhand remark.   And so, instead of forwarding those links on, I am here to join in the many voices debating a new angle (is it new?) to feminism.  We are a product of the movement our mothers and grandmothers started – with unintended consequences.  While the previous generations were hemmed in by much stronger norms of what it meant to be a woman, women today grapple with choice, and guilt, and planning a life alone, and questioning our choices in a society that still very much glorifies Motherhood.

And so, I dedicate this blog to issues of modern feminism, and the choices women are making about dating, having children and balancing their careers.


About tidewater

thirty-something, mostly single, finding a path.
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4 Responses to An Introduction

  1. Kari says:

    Thank you for your blog. I’m dealing with some similar issues and it’s nice to know I’m not alone and read you perspective. 🙂

  2. I used to think I wanted to have kids when I was younger (in my 20’s) and I think I would have if I’d found a husband who wanted the same. But I’m nearing my 40’s and have recently become single (again) and doubt that marriage will even be an option for me now. I decided several years ago, when it looked like I wasn’t going to find a man that wanted to marry me and have kids with me, to not have them. Yes, my mother was disappointed because I’m the only girl in the family. Yes, my friends have asked if I was sure I didn’t. Yes, I’ve thought about it long and hard and, no, I don’t feel bad about my decision to have them. The world won’t miss me having them so why should I feel guilty for not wanting to? Also, the older I got the more thought went into it (because, yes, you can have kids without having to be married) and the more I realized that having kids is a BIG DEAL! And it’s not something to think lightly about. And I see this all the time with friends who have kids. I hear them tell me how they had no idea it was going to be that hard. And when I hear them say that I always feel like responding, well, what did you think it was going to be like? This is human being, not a doll, not a puppy. It’s a human being that you are now responsible for raising and caring for. So, no I won’t be having any and I’m fine with it. I don’t think you need to have kids to fell like a “complete woman”. I don’t think a baby should be the reason why you feel like the woman that you clearly are. So, if someone wants to have kids, great, but be sure you know why you want one and what it means to have one. I know the answers to those questions already for myself. Now, if only I could find someone to spend the rest of my life with…

mahalo for your comment!

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